Attention: open in a new window. PDFPrintE-mail

 

How you can help

The most important and simple thing you can do to help is listen and believe.

 

Here are some more guidelines:

  • Believe what she tells you. Women and girls rarely lie about sexual violence, and if she senses disbelief she might never tell anyone again. Traumatic events can sometimes cause memory problems; if she ever seems to contradict herself or add new facts, this doesn't mean she's making the whole thing up.

  • Give her your unconditional support. If, in your opinion, she is not taking the best care of herself, or making the 'right' decisions (e.g. about reporting), do not judge her. Everyone reacts in their own way.

  • If she blames herself for what was done to her, remind her that you don't think that's true, but bear in mind that arguing with her probably won't persuade her. Don't be frustrated if she believes this for some time.

  • If she feels guilty about e.g. not putting up a fight, affirm the fact that she used her survival skills to stay alive, and that compliance is not consent.

  • Let her say what she needs to say in her own time, in her own words.

  • If she faces difficult decisions, help her to make her own choices by exploring her options with her.

  • Encourage her to do things for herself; try to affirm her own capabilities and power by not doing things for her that she can do herself.

  • Treat all her feelings equally seriously.

  • Dealing with the effects of sexual violence is ultimately something a survivor does for herself. At CRCC, we believe that survivors are experts in their own healing, and so we encourage and empower them to help themselves. You can do similarly.

  • Explore the rest of this website so that you understand some of the common reactions to sexual violence and what's myth and fact. Explore and challenge your own views about sexual violence.

  • Appreciate that there is going to be serious disruption in her life, and that this will probably affect you. Take your needs seriously and seek your own support.

 

Remember, you are not a miracle-worker. The best you can do is let her know that you care about her and will be there if she wants to talk.