Male Survivors

Our services

We are happy to take an initial call from any male survivor, but cannot offer on-going support as this is not what we specialise in.

While we recognise the experiences and pain of men who have suffered any kind of sexual violence, here at CRCC we have found that a women-only service provision is an invaluable environment for many female callers. Therefore, we do not have the expertise or experience to give on-going support to male survivors, but are more than happy to signpost them to other services which can. See our links for organisations who specialise in supporting male survivors.

Myths and facts about men suffering rape and abuse

Men do suffer sexual violence. Adult men can be raped, and a third of children who suffer sexual abuse are boys. Some of the consequences of sexual violence are the same for men as for women, e.g. men can also experience a series of losses.

Some of the myths however are different.

Myth: A real man would fight free if he really wanted to

FACT: Sexual violence is an abuse of power. The abuser will often hold a more powerful position, e.g. a father or teacher and/or will be physically stronger. Sexual violence is life threatening and survival is important, and during a rape people often become paralysed by fear. Regardless of how much physical force the rapist used or did not use, he is the guilty party, not the survivor.

Freezing during rape is a very common reaction, and never indicates consent. It is a completely natural, instinctive response – it is the same as when a fox is trapped in headlights. It can involve losing their power of speech, or being so shocked that they feel like the rape is happening to someone else. This is our body’s way of protecting ourselves from the trauma of rape. It is easy in retrospect to say that a man should have put up fight, but the reality at the time is quite different.

Myth: The abuser must be homosexual, so that means the survivor is too

FACT: 97% of male abusers are heterosexual. Rape and sexual abuse are about power; not sexuality. The survivor did not ask for the abuse, so it says nothing about their sexuality. Similarly, rape and abuse cannot 'make you gay'.

Myth: Men rape women, therefore a male survivor must be less of a man

FACT: This myth devalues women and men. Rape is only about one person wanting to humiliate and degrade another person, not about the identity of the survivor.

Myth: ‘Real’ men don’t cry; they can cope

FACT: Crying is a human way of healing emotional wounds, and sexual violence can be overwhelming for anyone. Everyone takes time to deal with its effects.

Myth: ‘Real’ men don’t talk about their problems

FACT: Talking about experiences and feelings with people who care is the backbone of the healing process for both men and women. It takes great strength to acknowledge hurt and courage to seek ways of dealing with it.

Myth: The more 'butch' one in the relationship can't be abused

FACT: Rape and abuse can be perpetrated within relationships of all kinds, regardless of roles and dynamics.