Telling Someone

Many survivors never tell anyone about the sexual violence they have experienced. Others may tell someone months or years after it happened. Some survivors will have family members or friends they can speak to, others may get support from a professional such as a youth worker or teacher.

Deciding whether or not to speak to someone can be a difficult decision. You may be unsure how they will react, whether you can trust them and whether they will listen to you and understand you. You may also be concerned about the person you are telling – for example whether they will believe you, whether it will be ‘too much’ for them to be able to deal with, or whether they will be hurt that you had not told them earlier. This can be particularly difficult for survivors who have previously tried to talk to someone who was not helpful or didn't listen.

Undermining women and girls’ self-esteem is a big part of how abuse works, so survivors often find it difficult to believe that what happened to them and their feelings about it are important and that they deserve support. All survivors, no matter who they are or how long ago it was, deserve emotional support. A good supporter will listen to you, believe you and give you time and space to talk about how you feel. Their focus will be on you and your feelings, and they will respect you and your choices.

It is always your choice about who you talk to and when. If you don’t feel that there is anyone in your life who you can talk to at the moment, are trying to decide whether or not to tell someone, or would like additional support, our helpline is here to support you. All the women who answer the phones are trained in supporting survivors of sexual violence.